Home | About Us | News | Contact Us Mom & Pops | Mid Size | Big Boys Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline *If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly *If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 *If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6 *If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line and we will trace the call *If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press *If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press-- no one will answer! Return to News